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The game’s launch trailer really did oversell this game

[Editors Note- This review was supposed to be up yesterday, and is part of our series of games we look at in the run up to the festive season. However, due to the actions of some particularly nasty people overcharging for new consoles, we rescheduled this article to be published 24 hours later. As always, we don’t condone Davey’s use of foul language or disturbing metaphors.]

Good afternoon, gamers! The editors for Gamerhub have got me to review a series of games for the run-up to Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanza for you. This time round, they put a fiver on my Xbox account and told me to have a look at Nickelodeon Kart Racers. Considering the fact that I was the champion when it comes to racing games at university, this should be a no-brainer, right? Well, for the rest of the article, I’ll regale you with my opinions, a general overview, and a laugh.

Overview

Nickelodeon Kart Racers is a game developed by Bamtang Games and published by Maximum Games in Europe and Game Mill Entertainment in the USA. It’s a kart racing game that was published in 2018, and it’s spawned a franchise, with the second game in the series being published in 2020. Right now, on the Xbox store, it’s on sale at £4.50, and the lovely people who pay my fees told me to purchase and review it. The game has plenty of tracks, and characters from the Nickelodeon shows that you love.

The Gameplay

As referenced in the overview, this game is a simple, by-the-numbers Kart Racing game, designed to keep the kids entertained. It’s really not that complicated. To complete the game, you must master all the time trials, unlock all the kart options, and complete all the Grand Prix races with all the characters.

This is where the game’s biggest weakness hits: Yes, you can race as all four of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but you can’t hear them yell “Cowabunga”, or anything for that matter. Whether it was budget restraints due to the fact that this game is available on multiple platforms, I don’t know, but there’s no voice acting. There’s some non-descript kid-friendly background music which changes on the lap and track you’re on, but nothing to suggest you’re getting the nostalgia hit that you would normally buy this game for. It’s truly a “Bargain bin” version of Mariokart, with less powerups, no voice acting, no serious difficulty curve and no theme music for the characters it uses.

Nickelodeon Kart Racers the racers you get. I want my money back

I was bitterly disappointed not to here the Pirate ask me “who lives in a pineapple under the sea” when I chose to take my first race as Spongebob Squarepants, and racing as any of these characters feels a bit lacklustre. The only saving grace is that the characters all have their own unique animations. Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for example, waves his two Sai when he hits someone with a weapon from the powerups. To be fair, this was one of two reasons I suggested that this game isn’t completely terrible. It’s not brilliant, but it’s not horrendous.

To unlock all the customisable kart options, you’re going to need currency. To get the in game currency, you’re going to need to complete as many races as possible, using all the characters (of which there are frightfully few of) to get as many coins as possible as you level them up and earn upgrades. The mechanics for this are simple, but then the game was made for kids, and I probably shouldn’t be taking this so easily.

The Multiplayer was so bland, I’m not touching it in the review

The races themselves follow the standard Mariokart style. Race around a circuit with 8 turns, 4 powerup boxes and 7 opponents. It’s not exactly complicated (unlike the positions that your mother and I tried last night), with there being only one interesting mechanic to take forwards. The Karts in the game absorb the slime from the track which appears naturally some times, and at others has to be triggered. This slime can then be used to give your kart a boost in speed, whether you’re gliding, sailing or driving, and honestly, it makes the game more enjoyable.

Is it any good?

To be honest with you people, it’s okay. It’s just.. okay. It’s not good, it’s not bad, it’s just okay. It’s a good stocking filler, but if I’m honest, I’m looking forwards to reviewing the sequel game in the vain hope that it’s better because if I’m honest, my bosses wasted £4.50 on this game. It’s a poor man’s MarioKart, and I’d much rather play Crash Team Racing remastered, even with all the microtransactions that have been put into that game. If MarioKart is Citizen Kane, then this game is simply Sex Lives Of The Potato Men. I’d call it The Room, but at least The Room is entertaining, even if for all the wrong reasons.

In short, this game might be on sale for a cheap price, but it doesn’t qualify the game’s existence. Instead, go and get a proper racing game.

Yours,

Davey